Random

I hate summer. I hate the heat and the bugs and the amount of skin that people feel the need to show. I hate the way people smell bad and stand too close. I hate how pissed off people get because they're hot.

I hate how I'm supposed to love summer. I live in New England and it's cold most of the year and people wait for summer like I wait for dinner to be over so I can ask for dessert. I try to stay inside with the A/C on and wait for fall. I wish I could love summer but all it does it make me uncomfortable. I love sweaters and scarves and hot tea. I love the feeling of cold air in my lungs. I'm going out to buy a patio set today that is on sale not to sit outside now, but in a few months when it's actually pleasant to be outside.

On sale?

Is this jacket on sale?

No, sorry, it's not.

But THIS jacket is on sale?

Yes, that one is.

But this one's not?

NO.

Well, I would buy this jacket but it's not on sale.

Ok.

Are you SURE it's not on sale?

Do you think I'm lying?

What?

Do YOU think I'm lying? That the jacket is on sale and I'm keeping it a secret?

You don't have to be so rude!

I'm not trying to be, but you're asking me over and over again if the same jacket is on sale. I was just trying to put an end to this ridiculous conversation. (ok, that was rude.)

Cashier Observations

I am so tired of seeing leathery, wrinkled cleavage of women buying cigarettes.

Someone has to do it

Sometimes it comes down to the fact that there is no one else to ring the register. So I do, because it's an amazingly appropriate use of my talents and salary. It's fine, and I say FINE like a 16 yr-old sorority brat picking up her new BMW and they don't have it in Cherry Red like she wanted, but it's FINE that they only have it in Flame Red. But her daddy will be calling in the morning.

Drunk

Sometimes I think I'm more selective about the product I put in my hair than the penis's I put in my mouth.

Test

Test

Things I have had to apologize for lately--Volume 1

I'm sorry that I sighed a little when you told me you had the change for 88 cents and you started to count it out in pennies.

I'm so sorry YOU brought up the wrong item that isn't the one on sale. It's not like there are fucking sale signs or anything.

I'm sorry you are don't understand the concept of shutting the fuck up and PAY ATTENTION TO THE CUSTOMER IN FRONT OF YOU, but I am your new boss so you can suck it.

I'm sorry that I made you wait in your turn in line when you tried to cut and I saw and said SHE WAS NEXT. That was "extremely rude" of me.

I'm sorry that you passed along a customer service issue to me and when you criticized how I handled it I informed you if you pass shit on to me you don't have a say in what I do.

I'm sorry that same issue you passed along to me that you couldn't handle while the woman was screaming took me ten minutes to handle and we were laughing hysterically by the end of it and she was totally happy. That must be the part you don't agree with.

I'm sorry you are so offended that we had to verify who you were before we let you take home your medication. We totally suck.

I'm sorry that I can't give you anymore information about the $10 prepaid cell phone you are AGONIZING over whether or not to buy, but really, it's been like 45 minutes.

I am sorry I don't share the same hatred with you about THE MAN WHO HIRED ME, but trust me, there are plenty of other people I hate. Like you.

I'm sorry you are so smart and so intelligent that the only way you can make yourself feel like that is to try and make me feel like you are smarter and more intelligent than me.

I'm sorry you will never be successful at that.