Sunday, March 13, 2011

Monday, March 7, 2011

Things I have had to apologize for lately--Volume 1

I'm sorry that I sighed a little when you told me you had the change for 88 cents and you started to count it out in pennies.

I'm so sorry YOU brought up the wrong item that isn't the one on sale. It's not like there are fucking sale signs or anything.

I'm sorry you are don't understand the concept of shutting the fuck up and PAY ATTENTION TO THE CUSTOMER IN FRONT OF YOU, but I am your new boss so you can suck it.

I'm sorry that I made you wait in your turn in line when you tried to cut and I saw and said SHE WAS NEXT. That was "extremely rude" of me.

I'm sorry that you passed along a customer service issue to me and when you criticized how I handled it I informed you if you pass shit on to me you don't have a say in what I do.

I'm sorry that same issue you passed along to me that you couldn't handle while the woman was screaming took me ten minutes to handle and we were laughing hysterically by the end of it and she was totally happy. That must be the part you don't agree with.

I'm sorry you are so offended that we had to verify who you were before we let you take home your medication. We totally suck.

I'm sorry that I can't give you anymore information about the $10 prepaid cell phone you are AGONIZING over whether or not to buy, but really, it's been like 45 minutes.

I am sorry I don't share the same hatred with you about THE MAN WHO HIRED ME, but trust me, there are plenty of other people I hate. Like you.

I'm sorry you are so smart and so intelligent that the only way you can make yourself feel like that is to try and make me feel like you are smarter and more intelligent than me.

I'm sorry you will never be successful at that.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Test

Test

Test

Reasons I hate my roommate, in no particular order

He never does his dishes right away.
He sneaks a load of laundry in whenever someone else is doing theirs.
He takes other peoples laundry out of the washer to put his in, then leaves for the weekend.
(I'm he does this in the hope that someone else will finish it for him.)
He has bought toilet paper and paper towels exactly ONCE since he moved in 9 months ago.
He has not cleaned the bathroom, common area, or kitchen floor since he moved in.
Whenever the other roommates or I make dinner we always offer some to everyone. Whenever HE makes dinner, he NEVER offers anyone anything.
He has a female "friend" that he's "hanging out with" and she comes over late and they get rip-roaring drunk and are loud all freaking night.
He and his "friend" take a shower together in the morning. BEFORE everyone else uses it.
He comes home tired from work and takes up the whole freaking living room.
He has the most amazing dog in the world that I am convinced is my soulmate and he is so jealous that he takes the dog with him to grocery store, so not to leave the dog with me.
He has no problem expecting me to let the dog out to do his business in the freezing winter but when the dog snuggles on the couch with me he looks at me with such hate I recoil.
He YELLS at the dog, calling him a fucking idiot, because the dog doesn't want to be around his angry energy.
His room smells bad.
I hate his face.