I can't help it

If you are seriously going to walk up to me and say 'How much is this (item)? There is a bunch hanging up under the $9.99 sign.' Can I really be blamed for firing back with 'Well gosh! I don't know! I think it might be $9.99!'
And if you try it on and throw it on the counter unzipped and unbuttoned, looking like something you left on the bathroom floor? I am not zipping or buttoning it for you.

Offensive? Or Just Funny?

This may be offensive to some people, but really it just goes to show you how I just really don't have a brain-to-mouth filter going on.

Setting: Pulling into the Target parking lot. Carissa is driving. We are commenting on how we have been in the same spot for a few minutes because of the circus otherwise known as "people just can't handle backing out of their parking spots." Then when the way is finally clear, two people walk in front of us. But they are doing that sideways long-ass cut across the parking lot in a diagonal fashion that takes even longer. The one man is walking pretty fast away from the other man, who appears to be dragging his feet and eating popcorn and obviously distracted by the headlights. I then see that he is "challenged" and muse out loud, "Wow, that man is really not keeping an eye on his retard. He is totally not looking where he is going."

Musings

I wonder if when you decide to move to an artsy town someone sits you down and instructs you on how to be a complete pompous douchebag?