To Tweet? Or not to Tweet?

While a Gatecitytwittermeetup (my first ever), there was a discussion about how people are concerned that their professional lives could be compromised if their online identity was found by people that they work with. Or better yet, are currently followed by people that they work with, and the repercussions that could follow. There is that danger, that you could be placed in an uncomfortable position when either your supervisor or employee may read something you posted. Maybe it's about them? Or just a different side that you don't show to people that you work with. Could it compromise your integrity?

I really started to think about it because I thought about my own behavior at the party. I acted truly like myself. I didn't censor, rethink, or over analyze. I just was. And I had more fun at that party with people I had never met. Which is a very different feeling for me. I was so nervous that they wouldn't like me. But I made the decision to go and to be myself and you know what? It was amazing. Truly, people that I had never met me before, welcomed me into their home,talked, laughed, and ENJOYED my company (seemed to anyway:). With no ulterior motive. These people are just people that are putting out real thoughts and ideas and being creative and funny and frustrated and baring emotions on a level that I couldn't even imagine doing 6 months ago. And I love it. I love that Twitter and my blog are places that I can just be me. And I read in so many places from so many people that we can be so terrified to write things that our families or friends might see. (I said the same thing about Facebook when I found out my friend's mom is now my friend) But why is that? Doesn't anyone think it's odd that we would hide our true feelings from the people that we know the most? Should the things we are writing be a complete shock to those we spend most of our time with? Or have we all been conditioned that there is a certain way to behave and that the only place that we have the freedom to be ourselves is the Internet? And that we want to keep THOSE people separate from THESE people. I am no stranger to this feeling.

I have spent the past 26 years of my life trying to fit into a mold to please other people. And I was miserable. The real me would make guest appearances; blurting out inappropriate things and LOUDLY voicing my opinion, but would then get shamed into getting back in line. Well... FUCK THAT. I realized the people that needed me to fit into a certain mold are no longer in my life. And the biggest person that I gave up? My mom. And people have strong opinions about mothers and daughters and forgiveness and what not, and there was the fear that I shouldn't write about the issues and current state of affaris with my mother. But that wouldn't be honest. The way I gave my mother up? Wasn't even really me giving her up. She gave me up. BOOM. DONE. She's damaging, always has been. I was myself. I stood up for myself and did what I needed to do to take care of me. And my mother? The person that is supposed to be there through thick and thin? Through hell and high water? Dumped me. Told me that she doesn't want to see me. Because I wouldn't do exactly as she told. It is obviously more complicated than that, but the point is, my mother, told me that she doesn't want to see me anymore for not falling in line. And you know what? I've made peace with that.

Bottom line is that (and this might sound VERY strange) I have finally found a way to be. It took going to this one little meet up party to get over the hump of "Oh my god, I have made a mistake. I must reform to the mold!" to the much more pleasant side of "I TOTALLY made the right decision to be me." It took taking a chance, going to a party where I was going to know NO ONE. I had talked to one person through Twitter direct message. But I went. Because I knew the things that I posted were ME and that if someone was going to invite me because they liked the things I wrote, then that was the greatest thing ever. Because really? There were no expectations. They hadn't met me through work and were then shocked when we went out that I can drink too much and laugh too loud and TALK. A LOT. And you know what? I had FUN. It was weird to talk about the next day because the reaction from people I know that I went to a party with people I met "online" and had never met to them was, well...unbelievable. And maybe that's something that I need to change.

I can completely appreciate wanting to keep personal and professional separate. I set up my friend's blog for him under a new email address so that he wouldn't ever have to worry about work finding it. I think that everyone needs to make it work for them Some people have careers and families and credibility that could be affected by the things they write online. All I know is what works for me right now is to write this website and my tweets like no one reads them but me.

This is my life

This is just an example of a conversation that I have everyday with one customer or another.

Me: Hello, how ar....
Customer: Just Looking!
Me: I was just saying hi
Customer: Just Looking!
Me: Ok then.

Ten Minutes Later-

Me: Still just looking?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok, all tops are 25% off.
Customer: Wait what? ALL the tops?
Me: Yes.
Customer: So this top here? Is 25% off?
Me: Yes.
Customer: So this top that's marked down? Is 25% off?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Really?
Me: YES.
Customer: Off the markdown price?
Me: YES!
Customer: I still don't like it.
Me: Fuck you then.

Ok, I really don't say fuck you. But man, oh man, I wish I could.

Climbing up on the roof. Yo.

I was attempting to clean my apartment on a beautiful day. I have four windows in my studio apartment. Soooo, I decided to climb onto the roof. To see the view. And to take a picture. And to be able to say that I did something other than go to Carissa's to watch Big Love.

Irrational? I think not...

I am paranoid about break-ins. Not like a push-in or someone crow barring my door because I live in a relatively safe building. (Relatively because of the neighborhood. And everyone in my building is super-nice. And I could totally take any of them if they attempted to break in.) No, I am afraid that someone is going to climb up my fire escape and go through my bathroom window. Which is why I close my bathroom door at night and place a pot on the concrete floor in front of said door. To alert me if I happen to sleep through someone bashing the glass or when lifting the 200lb window that shrieks if I so much THINK about opening it. My neighbor suggesting (mockingly I might add) that I put little old lady figurines on the windowsill that will fall when the window is forced open. Gotta tell ya, I thought it was a great idea.

So that doesn't seem too bad, right? Because people CAN climb up fire escapes and break windows? The real paranoia comes in when I am afraid to sleep with the window on the opposite side of the apartment open. Because someone could get in. If they put a 20 foot ladder against my window. Which would clearly not draw any attention. Or wake me.

I do realize how it may sound to people who are not afraid of break-in. When speaking to a trained professional about my paranoia, his first question was, "Well, how is anyone going to get up there?" My response? "EVER HEAR OF LADDERS????" Obviously not the calmest response ever. And then he breaks out the portable keyboard and starts adding NOTES. Which always leads to a DISCUSSION. So I felt the need to cut this topic off at the knees.

"Yeah, it's not so bad when there's snow on the ground. Not really worried bout the ladder then. It would slide around on all that ice. But come Spring when I want to have the windows open you'll laugh if you drive by and see me hanging out the window, apply Crisco to the ledge under my window."

He laughs and I laugh, while I make a mental note to stock up on Crisco next time I'm at the grocery store.

I can't help it

If you are seriously going to walk up to me and say 'How much is this (item)? There is a bunch hanging up under the $9.99 sign.' Can I really be blamed for firing back with 'Well gosh! I don't know! I think it might be $9.99!'
And if you try it on and throw it on the counter unzipped and unbuttoned, looking like something you left on the bathroom floor? I am not zipping or buttoning it for you.

Offensive? Or Just Funny?

This may be offensive to some people, but really it just goes to show you how I just really don't have a brain-to-mouth filter going on.

Setting: Pulling into the Target parking lot. Carissa is driving. We are commenting on how we have been in the same spot for a few minutes because of the circus otherwise known as "people just can't handle backing out of their parking spots." Then when the way is finally clear, two people walk in front of us. But they are doing that sideways long-ass cut across the parking lot in a diagonal fashion that takes even longer. The one man is walking pretty fast away from the other man, who appears to be dragging his feet and eating popcorn and obviously distracted by the headlights. I then see that he is "challenged" and muse out loud, "Wow, that man is really not keeping an eye on his retard. He is totally not looking where he is going."

Musings

I wonder if when you decide to move to an artsy town someone sits you down and instructs you on how to be a complete pompous douchebag?