Bra Wars

I'm home from work and all I desperately want to do is take my bra off but when you're in the throes of moving you have people coming over constantly to look at furniture they have no intention actually buying but they've been emailing you back and forth ALL DAY about exactly when they plan on not coming and you can't really not wear a bra when there are strangers coming over where else do you keep your box cutter so I'm home and I have a sweater on that I had a shirt on underneath and already took the undershirt off but the sweater is low cut and it's all HELLO PLAID BRA DID YOU WANT TO SEE MY PLAID BRA and I put a scarf on and am generally wondering if it wouldn't be easier to burn the dresser in the fire pit outside except that would involve MOVING THE DRESSER which I am selling specifically so I don't have to move the dresser because that fucker is heavy and I don't like to lift heavy things.

Irrational? I think not...

I am paranoid about break-ins. Not like a push-in or someone crow barring my door because I live in a relatively safe building. (Relatively because of the neighborhood. And everyone in my building is super-nice. And I could totally take any of them if they attempted to break in.) No, I am afraid that someone is going to climb up my fire escape and go through my bathroom window. Which is why I close my bathroom door at night and place a pot on the concrete floor in front of said door. To alert me if I happen to sleep through someone bashing the glass or when lifting the 200lb window that shrieks if I so much THINK about opening it. My neighbor suggesting (mockingly I might add) that I put little old lady figurines on the windowsill that will fall when the window is forced open. Gotta tell ya, I thought it was a great idea.

So that doesn't seem too bad, right? Because people CAN climb up fire escapes and break windows? The real paranoia comes in when I am afraid to sleep with the window on the opposite side of the apartment open. Because someone could get in. If they put a 20 foot ladder against my window. Which would clearly not draw any attention. Or wake me.

I do realize how it may sound to people who are not afraid of break-in. When speaking to a trained professional about my paranoia, his first question was, "Well, how is anyone going to get up there?" My response? "EVER HEAR OF LADDERS????" Obviously not the calmest response ever. And then he breaks out the portable keyboard and starts adding NOTES. Which always leads to a DISCUSSION. So I felt the need to cut this topic off at the knees.

"Yeah, it's not so bad when there's snow on the ground. Not really worried bout the ladder then. It would slide around on all that ice. But come Spring when I want to have the windows open you'll laugh if you drive by and see me hanging out the window, apply Crisco to the ledge under my window."

He laughs and I laugh, while I make a mental note to stock up on Crisco next time I'm at the grocery store.

New Apartment

I am moving 8 days. I have lived on my own before (twice) and with boyfriends (twice) but this is the first time I am stepping out simply because I want to. I have so many things to say but am feeling so stressed.