Reasons I hate my roommate, in no particular order

He never does his dishes right away.

He sneaks a load of laundry in whenever someone else is doing theirs.

He takes other peoples laundry out of the washer to put his in, then leaves for the weekend.

(I'm he does this in the hope that someone else will finish it for him.)

He has bought toilet paper and paper towels exactly ONCE since he moved in 9 months ago.

He has not cleaned the bathroom, common area, or kitchen floor since he moved in.

Whenever the other roommates or I make dinner we always offer some to everyone. Whenever HE makes dinner, he NEVER offers anyone anything.

He has a female "friend" that he's "hanging out with" and she comes over late and they get rip-roaring drunk and are loud all freaking night.

He and his "friend" take a shower together in the morning. BEFORE everyone else uses it.

He comes home tired from work and takes up the whole freaking living room.

He has the most amazing dog in the world that I am convinced is my soulmate and he is so jealous that he takes the dog with him to grocery store, so not to leave the dog with me.

He has no problem expecting me to let the dog out to do his business in the freezing winter but when the dog snuggles on the couch with me he looks at me with such hate I recoil.

He YELLS at the dog, calling him a fucking idiot, because the dog doesn't want to be around his angry energy.

His room smells bad.

I hate his face.

Another work post

The customer says that she bought some of our classic tees that we always carry and that she was really disappointed that they shrunk in the wash so she was hesitant to buy any more. I agreed that was odd because they shouldn't shrink and that was odd and if she bought new ones she should be fine because them shrinking was ODD.

Then I felt the need to add, "Well, they won't shrink as long as you don't wash them in boiling hot water and set the dryer SUPER HIGH. Can you believe some people do that and are surprised when they shrink?" Which, by the look on her face, was exactly what she did.

Mystery? Solved.

To Tweet? Or not to Tweet?

While a Gatecitytwittermeetup (my first ever), there was a discussion about how people are concerned that their professional lives could be compromised if their online identity was found by people that they work with. Or better yet, are currently followed by people that they work with, and the repercussions that could follow. There is that danger, that you could be placed in an uncomfortable position when either your supervisor or employee may read something you posted. Maybe it's about them? Or just a different side that you don't show to people that you work with. Could it compromise your integrity?

I really started to think about it because I thought about my own behavior at the party. I acted truly like myself. I didn't censor, rethink, or over analyze. I just was. And I had more fun at that party with people I had never met. Which is a very different feeling for me. I was so nervous that they wouldn't like me. But I made the decision to go and to be myself and you know what? It was amazing. Truly, people that I had never met me before, welcomed me into their home,talked, laughed, and ENJOYED my company (seemed to anyway:). With no ulterior motive. These people are just people that are putting out real thoughts and ideas and being creative and funny and frustrated and baring emotions on a level that I couldn't even imagine doing 6 months ago. And I love it. I love that Twitter and my blog are places that I can just be me. And I read in so many places from so many people that we can be so terrified to write things that our families or friends might see. (I said the same thing about Facebook when I found out my friend's mom is now my friend) But why is that? Doesn't anyone think it's odd that we would hide our true feelings from the people that we know the most? Should the things we are writing be a complete shock to those we spend most of our time with? Or have we all been conditioned that there is a certain way to behave and that the only place that we have the freedom to be ourselves is the Internet? And that we want to keep THOSE people separate from THESE people. I am no stranger to this feeling.

I have spent the past 26 years of my life trying to fit into a mold to please other people. And I was miserable. The real me would make guest appearances; blurting out inappropriate things and LOUDLY voicing my opinion, but would then get shamed into getting back in line. Well... FUCK THAT. I realized the people that needed me to fit into a certain mold are no longer in my life. And the biggest person that I gave up? My mom. And people have strong opinions about mothers and daughters and forgiveness and what not, and there was the fear that I shouldn't write about the issues and current state of affaris with my mother. But that wouldn't be honest. The way I gave my mother up? Wasn't even really me giving her up. She gave me up. BOOM. DONE. She's damaging, always has been. I was myself. I stood up for myself and did what I needed to do to take care of me. And my mother? The person that is supposed to be there through thick and thin? Through hell and high water? Dumped me. Told me that she doesn't want to see me. Because I wouldn't do exactly as she told. It is obviously more complicated than that, but the point is, my mother, told me that she doesn't want to see me anymore for not falling in line. And you know what? I've made peace with that.

Bottom line is that (and this might sound VERY strange) I have finally found a way to be. It took going to this one little meet up party to get over the hump of "Oh my god, I have made a mistake. I must reform to the mold!" to the much more pleasant side of "I TOTALLY made the right decision to be me." It took taking a chance, going to a party where I was going to know NO ONE. I had talked to one person through Twitter direct message. But I went. Because I knew the things that I posted were ME and that if someone was going to invite me because they liked the things I wrote, then that was the greatest thing ever. Because really? There were no expectations. They hadn't met me through work and were then shocked when we went out that I can drink too much and laugh too loud and TALK. A LOT. And you know what? I had FUN. It was weird to talk about the next day because the reaction from people I know that I went to a party with people I met "online" and had never met to them was, well...unbelievable. And maybe that's something that I need to change.

I can completely appreciate wanting to keep personal and professional separate. I set up my friend's blog for him under a new email address so that he wouldn't ever have to worry about work finding it. I think that everyone needs to make it work for them Some people have careers and families and credibility that could be affected by the things they write online. All I know is what works for me right now is to write this website and my tweets like no one reads them but me.

Not even 5 minutes ago

Me: Good Morning.

Customer: Whatever. I have a return.

D

I wish D would get off his llllaaaaazzzzzyyyyy butt and make me laugh already. Since (as he makes very clear) I am not as funny as he is. But you know what is funny? Turning away from the video chat for less than a minute and finding D jerking off when I come back.

Enough With the Fucking Bells Already

It's not that I don't believe in giving to charity. If anything, I am more likely to donate time, money, or presents to a charity or deserving human being rather than to my ungrateful/selfish sister.

It's just that there is a Salvation Army bell ringer outside almost every store I frequent. I couldn't possibly put money in every single one of them. (Not that I'd really want to if we are being totally honest) But nothing really dampens my spirit like being glared at by a mother fucking Bellringer outside the grocery store. (Or Walmart. Or outside every mall entrance. Or inside the mall.)

They are glaring at me like I traipsing past them clutching my shopping bags screaming with delight over all the fantastic treats I just got myself. And how fucking happy I am that I don't have to share them with any stinky-needy families. And that they just watched me push a kid down in the parking lot and steal his puppy.

I just think that if I make eye contact with a Bellringer I should get a smile. An acknowledgement that yes, it is a hard time of year and if you can drop something in the bucket that would be great. But hey? If you can't? That's OK too. I should NOT get hateful glares and a louder, firmer shaking of the bell. Like I didn't fucking hear when I got out of my car. It takes away from what few happy feelings I have about the holiday season when I am served a side of guilt-trip. And that really makes me feel fucking festive.

If "festive" is another word for "rage".

Fat is Contagious You know

I work in a plus-sized women's clothing store. I LOVE when "thin" women come in and make a big production about how they don't shop at this store. They are here shopping for someone else. Who is not them. Because they are not fat. (I say "thin" in parentheses because we start at a size 14. Which is not fat. And sometimes the women that come in are at least a 14, if not a 16, which is typically carried in stores that do not sell exclusively to plus size women) And I really, really, get off telling them, WELL YOU COULD SHOP HERE! And I see the panic spread across their face.

"No I couldn't! I'm just here shopping for my daughter-in-law! SHE'S the fat one!"

"I don't want your emails! I don't want to get emails from some FAT PEOPLE'S STORE!"

"WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING IF I WANT YOUR EMAILS???!!!! I DOOOOON'T!!!!!"

Why do I keep pushing you further and further over the ledge? I wish it was because I was teaching you a lesson. But really it's just because I can. And I am enjoying the show.

Eavesdropping

Overheard just this minute at a Panera in Nashua, NH:

"Well you know some guy ZA-WAN-SEY is not going to be the guy for you so why do you keep emailing him?"

I almost spit my coffee all over my screen.

Being Nice? Not For Me.

We were having this conversation at work about how being nice is not really part of my natural personality. I can be nice, it just takes a lot out of me. And usually when I am nice it is totally unrewarded and the person on the receiving end of my niceness acts like a DOUCHE BAG of the highest order and I want to be all, "Hey, you have no idea how much effort it is taking me not to snap your neck, how bout some fucking gratitude before I flip the switch and make you cry?"

Which then confirms for me that I am correct, that it's not worth fighting my nature and acting nice because when I am people (try to) walk all over me, acting all mean and I think "Why is it OK for YOU to act mean and I have to just accept it but when I am mean and someone gets their feeeelings hurt there has to be a whole discussion about how I hurt their precious feelings?"

When someone comes up to you and gives you attitude your natural instinct is to give that attitude right back to them. That person will in turn, get all high and mighty and proclaim "Don't you talk to me like that!" Like they are so much better than you that they can take a shit all over you and you just have to smile. In my ten year retail career I have participated in some extensive training for that exact problem; training your personality against it's natural instinct to defend itself and be able to take shit with a smile.

So I am pretty good at fighting my instinct when someone is rude to me not to call them a condescending cunt and get out of my store right now before I put my whole fist up your ass to teach you a lesson. But when someone is rude to someone that works for me (God help them if I actually like that person) I will jump all over their shit before they even realize I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

I love the feeling I get when I can put someone who is being an asshole in their place. It is especially rewarding for me when someone bases their whole self-worth of on making other people feel like shit. My defense against people like that is to use LOGIC. Something these people lack in spades.

Her "Why haven't you gotten that schedule to me?"

Me "I did send it to you. At 3:46pm. I have the confirmation."

Her "Well, you didn't complete the schedule the way I wanted."

Me "How do you know I didn't complete it the way you wanted? 10 seconds ago you didn't even think I sent it?"

Her "I need that schedule now! I don't care what else you have going on; get me that schedule NOW."
(Please note at this point the balance of power is shifting. She went right back to 'not having the schedule' skipping over the whole confirmation. We just won't acknowledge that she admitted that she had the schedule and it was 'wrong')

Me "I'm busy with someone. I'll resend that schedule when I'm done."

Her "I need it NOW!"

Me "A lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

Her (Stunned silence)

Her (Continued stunned silence)

Me "Take a look at the one I sent and then you can tell me specifically what is wrong with it."

**Click!**

I win.