I'd have to delete all the things I wrote about you

My psychologist at the end of my session yesterday: You seemed really tense today. (*It's not that he's terribly perceptive, I was screaming throughout my entire hour) Have you ever tried writing out a letter to let someone know how you feel? Except you don't send it?

Me: Yeah.....except if you're going through all that effort I think you should send it.

Him: That's really not the point.

Me: I'm just saying. I've written things on my blog that make me feel kinda better but...

Him: Oh, you have a blog?

Me: Oh SWEET CHRIST don't look for it.

Him: Why not?

Me: I'd have to delete all the things I wrote about you.

Therapy Sessions

When you are talking about your love life in therapy and you say you didn't sleep with a friend of yours and your psychologist says that he is surprised, it can catch you off guard.

Me "Why are you surprised?"

Him "Well, um, you, uh, in the past haven't exactly been, um..... strict with your boundaries when it comes to sex."

Me "I think that was a professional way of calling me a whore."

Mind Games

My psychologist has this weird "habit" if you will. He takes his shoes off and on throughout the entire session. He'll even stretch his legs out and dangle his shoes off his toes. While he does this I have to fight the urge to tear them off his feet and throw them out into the waiting room.

I have mentioned how much this bothers me and distracting it is. He swears that he doesn't even notice he does it. I have my doubts. My friend recommended my psychologist so we see the same one and compare sessions all the time. I mention that my blood pressure goes up every time he reaches for his shoes and I'm not focusing on the issues at hand. She mentions that he does not do that in her sessions.

Interesting.

Not to be outdone, I set out planning my next session for the trap. He's talking away and doing his shoe thing, this time doing extra-stretchy shoe lifts to the point where they are almost touching my knees. I force myself to keep eye contact and not mention the shoe habit. About 3/4 of the way through, he casually mentions, "Hey, I've been taking my shoes off and on and you haven't noticed." To which of course I exclaim, "HA! I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T HELP IT!!!! I KNEW YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE TO FUCK WITH ME! NOW PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"

We go back and forth about the shoe habit/his listening skills until it finally dawns on him that I baited him and he fell for it. Which is so much more gratifying than....I don't know. Talking about my feeeeeeelings.